Life is messy. Plainly and simply, messy.

I visited St. Francis Winery in Sonoma a couple of weekends ago with my cousin Jenna, Aunt Cindy and good friend Didi. We did a tasting and then decided to buy a bottle of the Nuns Canyon Vineyard Syrah, Sonoma Valley  (highly recommended) and sit out on the patio, soak up the sun and have a little girl talk.

My Aunt was telling us of her recent vacation with her boyfriend. She was explaining the good and bad, the love and fighting. As we laughed and listened, we came to a point where Didi asked my aunt, “So, what you’re telling me is that life and relationships never get any easier”? To which my aunt responded a very firm, “No, they don’t”.

I think we have a misconception about life and relationships. We believe that once we find our person, get married and have kids, that all of our problems will be solved. Those insecurities you felt? Gone. The fear of loneliness? Never again. But as time goes on and you get older, life only gets harder. Problems become bigger and things get way more complicated.

What defines who your “person” is in this life?  And once you find them, will they actually be able to solve all of your problems?

Once upon a time I thought I found my “person”. My heart skipped a beat every time our eyes locked. I felt a rush of emotion when we would make physical contact. I imagined my whole life with this person and never thought of a possibility of anything else. As fate would have it, I was wrong… really wrong. I was so consumed in the feelings of lust I had for this person, that I missed all of the warning signs, or rather “red flags”. I accepted the bad of the relationship because I thought I had it all figured out. Well, I had to learn my lesson the hard way… the really, really hard way.

You can never ignore the red flags in relationships. Once the butterflies have disappeared, the attraction has diminished, and the honey moon phase has come to an end, what will be left? Do you align with someone on a level deeper than the surface intimacy and attraction? Do you have similar goals, dreams and aspirations? Do you have the same ideas of how you want to raise your family? Are you treated, and treat the other person, the way you/they deserve to be treated in every aspect of your relationship?

If the answer is no, then it will never work. You see, you can love someone and still not be meant for each other. At the end of the day you have to look inside yourself and realize your self worth. I’ve come to learn that it is better to be alone, then with someone who steals your happiness. In a relationship, you should feel like the most special person in the world, always. It’s what we all deserve, isn’t it?

And if you are lucky enough to find that one person in this big ol’ world that is meant for you, life will still be hard. You will still have worries, insecurities and stress. You will still fight and argue. You will still question if the path your on is that one that you were meant for. So… why not be your own “person” in life?

You see, you can’t wait around for things to get better, easier or more simple. Life will always be chaotic, messy and complicated. There will always be curve balls or roller coasters of emotions. You need to learn to be happy right now, no matter the circumstance. No matter the situation you are facing. You can not wait around on happiness to present itself, or you will run out of time. You also cannot wait for someone else to provide you with the happiness and feelings your desire. You have to love the person you are, without fear of what the world thinks. Fall in love with yourself everyday, make yourself proud and go after the things you dream of. In the end, you’ve got to be your own hero, because everyone else is simply trying to save themselves.