Another Thing To Wine About

walk a mile in my shoes, you'll end up at a wine bar

Category: Life

every diamond has imperfections.

Last night I was at one of my very best friend’s houses, eating dinner and drinking a bottle (or 2) of wine. She has the cutest daughter, who I love like my own. We were sitting at the table and my friend’s daughter, Natalina, asked me if I could go get the  TV remote for her, because she didn’t want to watch the Warrior’s game anymore. I responded, “Are your legs broken?” (because sometimes I’m an asshole) to which she responded; No, her legs were not broken, but that she was having growing pains.

As I sit here and contemplate my life and the path I am currently on, I ask myself this question… Am I also experiencing growing pains right now?

We have growing pains when we are little, like Natalina. When our joints are stretching and we are getting taller. We then experience them again when we go through that awkward stage, (although my awkward stage spanned a lot longer then I’d like to admit) called puberty. But it’s not until later in life when we are faced with adulthood, tough decisions and heartbreak, that we finally go through a growth period again.

I think the secret to happiness is truly letting every situation just be what it is meant to be, then making the best of it. Although I believe this, it is something I struggle with. When I imagine something to go someway, I’m immediately disappointed when it doesn’t. When the picture that I imagined in my head does not meet reality, I just cannot seem to understand why or cope with the outcome. Expectation is the root of all heartache, and the real-life truth is that nothing ever happens the way you imagine it will, it happens the way it is supposed to. One of the biggest lesson I am trying to learn from and grow to know is how to let go of expectations (keyword trying).

Another thing I am trying to let go of and overcome is the need to control every situation. I have learned that you cannot control the way other people feel about you. You cannot control others emotions, actions or outlooks. The only thing you CAN control and change is yourself. This in itself is a huge growing pain. Learning to control your emotions is probably the hardest, yet most valuable lesson anyone can ever learn. While we may not have absolute control over our emotions, we absolutely have control on how we demonstrate them. We have the ability to get angry or sad, be happy or disappointed. We have the capability to reflect our emotion onto the world. We have the power to create a picture of ourselves to others.

It is so easy to get caught up or distracted and fall into a pattern where we group negative emotions with the people we love most. When we are consumed with stress, sadness or jealousy and project it onto others, we end up making the people we love most feel at fault for the emotions we feel. Then on top of that, we expect them to react in one way or another. If they don’t, we spiral even more into oblivion…Why is it that we treat the people we love the most, the worst?

I’ve made the mistake of letting my emotions take control of my life. Of counting on reactions or things from people who simply could not fulfill my expectations. Well, every diamond has imperfections and every rose has it’s thorn. I do not claim to be perfect, in fact, I am far from it. But I am trying to understand my imperfections and thorns, navigate through them, and come out the other end a stronger, wiser, kinder human being.

Sometimes we just need to slow down and not be in such a rush to figure it all out. We need to feel calm knowing that anything is possible in our futures. Sit back with a glass of wine, revel in the unknown and let your life surprise you, because at the end of the day everything happens for a reason. The people who want to be in your life, will be. The ones who don’t, won’t. Find yourself in your flaws, imperfection or thorns and make the best of them. Project happiness and kindness, and what is meant for you will find you. Embrace growth in all forms, because no matter which way it happens or where it takes you in life, it will always result in positivity, I promise.

what time can’t solve, you have to solve yourself.

“As time goes on, you’ll understand. What lasts, lasts. What doesn’t, doesn’t. Time solves most things. But what time can’t solve, you have to solve yourself”.

Time is a funny thing. Some times we wish we had just a little more of it… Another minute of sleep when our alarms go off, one more day on the weekend, just a few more minutes to spend with the people we’ve lost. But more predominately we are wasting time… Waiting for our 8 hours of work to be over, for the next big event to happen that we’ve been looking forward to,  for the 45 minute commute we have to disappear. For life to just make sense. They (whoever they are) say “time heals all”, but is that really true??

You know what else is a funny thing… Heartbreak (not literally.. it literally sucks). It has a way of making you reevaluate time. Look back on how you’ve spent the last five (or however many) years of your life. To remember that one time you may have overreacted or said the wrong words. To think where it could have all gone wrong. To wish that you could just reverse time. But reversal is impossible, and heart break has a way of making time stand still. When you are heart broken the days, even hours, move slower. You are waiting for “time to heal”, for that moment of clarity when everything just feels alright again. But how much time in this life that is already way too short are you supposed to give?

I very recently have gone through a break up and I’ve decided that I’m not going to sit around and “let time heal” my wounds. This heartbreak I feel everyday is one that I need to solve for myself. Every morning I wake up, before I put on my make up ;), I tell myself that today will be the day that I will be a better version of myself, today will be the day that I become a better person than I was yesterday. Today I will not let my thoughts and grief consume me. I will not wish that my time would go by faster and my day would be over already. I will enjoy and learn from each step I take, good or bad. I will choose to heal today, instead of wallow in the past and what could have been. Today will be a good day, today I will live in the now.

Time does not need to heal all because we all have the power to heal ourselves. We possess the power to solve our own problems, to look into our souls and decide we’ve had enough of the feelings we are feeling. It is not an easy task, but it is also not impossible. We must live with the cards we are dealt and even if that hand is shitty, its our shitty hand. Never let something or someone else take your time away from you. We all have the power to acknowledge that we deserve to smile, to be curious about the future and most important, to forget about time and absolutely and completely live in the moment.